it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
