How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
