Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
