best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
