The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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