guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
