Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
