after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
