Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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