i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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