I think my vagina is haunted
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
