Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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