I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize