1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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