dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
