he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
