did you get engaged???
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
