Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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