I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
