next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
