fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
