I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
