I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
