Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
