i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
