Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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