I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize