you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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