I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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