your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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