somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize