I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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