It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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