Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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