All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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