i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
