Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
