she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
