Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I looked at my own cervix.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
