i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
