I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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