i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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