I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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