ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
