if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
