I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
