WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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