I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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