I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I will be naked everywhere
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
