ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
