pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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