i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize