WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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