I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
