I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
