I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
