I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
