Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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