She tied me up with her honor cords...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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