no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
