sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
