I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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