did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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